Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Memories:The Fragrance Beyond Time

Beyond Semiconductor Memories:

“Sreenivas. You come here. Come here I said “shouted my class teacher (2nd grade).”Tell me why were you talking in the class?” I feebly replied “No madam .He was asking so …” She interrupts me “Go and sit on the 1st row 3rd bench, now”
I look at my new seating position. There were two girls already seated there. I could hear my friend giggling as I began dragging my bag. I pushed my bag against the side of the bench as the girls began adjusting to give me a seat. “You will sit in the middle” ordered my teacher. My friends burst into laughter. I could feel a volcano erupt in me, that’s an insult I said to myself and cursed that god should not forgive her for this(moms don’t entertain complaints against teachers that left only god for me). Just then a sweet voice spoke to me “Excuse me”. The bus had come to a halt and this beautiful girl next to me at the window seat wanted to get down. I got up to give her space I could see some more empty seats. I don’t know from where these seats sprang up; they all looked filled when I got in J aai shapath. (Promise)
Things change don’t they? From change I remember my mom had accompanied me to my open day (also called open house in some schools) where my teacher voiced special concerns about my communication skills. She went to the extent of asking my mom to put me in public speaking courses. You see we (3o of us) used to chew mint (polo) in class (total class strength 78). I was helpless when she asked me question when I had just popped in polo. I tried my best didn’t open not to open my mouth and used too much action instead. I haven’t seen my mom laugh at anything as this piece of advice. Last open house it was quite different “your kid is a menace. He and that Sharma fellow both are hopeless they sit in two corners of the class room but still create a lot of noise” My heart still swell in pride on those words
It was at our out bound’s retreat where we had to summarize what we learnt in those two days. Vishy (our team leader) left the presentation of the summary to me and my colleague Gautam. We did a great job at it and the event organizers came up to me and said “Well done my boy Keep it up”. As I shook hands with the Brigadier I could see the fourth grader in me fidgeting in his chair as he was next on stage for elocution. The fourth grader started moving towards the stage only to be stopped by his teacher for some final instructions “Vishwanath” She said. ”No madam I am Sreenivas” I replied. “Ok listen go on stage and bow “she said showing me how it’s done. I nodded and went on stage. I bowed only to knock the mike off the stage with my head. The whole school was in raptures. I wish I could tell something to the fourth grader that he would speak well and people will appreciate him one day; only if I could .Probably I didn’t need to. He simply laughed along as the teacher tried to calm the crowd and the attendant replacing the mike with a new one and then went further to fetch the mike that had rolled approximately 25 meters. “I am Sreenivas Subramanian from class IV and division A” the fourth grader was off wasting no time “I am here to recite a poem ‘The Honey and the Bear’” and I don’t think he ever looked back then. Did he? NaaaaaaahJ.
Couple of days ago I just lost it .I wasn’t able to figure out why a piece of code was behaving in a manner it not to be. I had almost spent a whole day trying to figure it but no hope seemed to be coming. At 6:30 PM I went to the cafeteria to have coffee. Most of my friends were missing rather none were present. A few had left for the day and the remaining seemed to be too busy to join me for coffee. I decided to leave packed my bags and started the walk back to my room. I happened to bang in to a kid; he seemed to be lost and was in tears. I asked him to cool down by then some one had found him. They thanked me and gave the kid a tight slap for running here and there. It reminds me of myself lost on the streets of Tirupati. We (my family) were at this stall in Tirupati where I saw flute and raised request for it, only to be declined .The shopkeeper said some exorbitant price for an artifact and my mom said move ahead lets leave and I blindly started walking only to realize after sometime that I was the only one who had walked out. Suddenly I realized I was lost I went back along the same route couldn’t find my parents. The shock had even dried up my tears. I sat hopelessly near a tanga wala. He enquired about me and told me to try again. I went again I found no one and started my retreat again towards the tanga. Just then someone grabbed me by my arm and gave me a tight slap. He was my dad (for me it was hand of life grabbing me back).I got my flute that day, today I don’t know where it is I know its shape though it some what similar to a saxophone (ssh…me and bro used to play cricket with it. By the way I have two flutes with me I don’t play even one)

All of us have such travels into our past recollecting the first time you stole a mango from a tree in someone’s compound, running like a mad behind a loose kite and grabbing it before the other team grabs it, the first time you rode a bicycle and falling into the bushes while trying to take doubles, the first crush, the first propose especially if its on hanuman jayanti. But how frequent do we recollect these? Are we so lost in our present and dreams of future that we don’t find time for our past? The friends, the moments that we left behind who live in our memories. I often wonder whether life is continuous or exist in those finite moments of happiness, surprises, shocks and disappointments. We all know our end the inevitable. What do we carry beyond it? Most importantly what do we leave behind? Memories for others to remember us…???

It seems like it’s just been yesterday
When I had met you on the way
We laughed and talked all day
But today we are all miles away

You are all in my memory never to be cast away
For we love each other and can never betray
Believe me my friends today
We are actually just smiles away

A smile that I truly mean and also the smile that make me feel lonely even when I am amongst a crowd.
-The Firebird

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

All about going on

When lights go off
And the going stops
When things go wrong
There is no life no song
That’s the time that I believed in going on going on

Things that I loved
And lost it for long
All the tears that I shed
But then, everyone was gone
That’s the time that I believed in going on going on

At the end of my world
And the silence of time
But light had to come
To make a new dawn
I was happy that I believed in going on going on

I am sorry for none
Happy they had gone
It was in me
To go back where I belong
Because I choose to believe in going on going on
-the firebird

Umbrella:(the cup of love)

i was seven years old
and now i was given a umbrella to hold
open the umbrella if it rains i was told

if you don't you would get wet and catch cold

twisting and twirling it in my hand
and at times poking it in mid air like a wand
i loved her she was mine

my hearts skipped a beat when she unfurled everytime

i wouldn't let anyone touch her
hid her in my closet beneath my sweather
down came the rains pouring

i ventured into the rains with my darling
she looked more happy than i was

as the rain touched her smile grew larger
my heart burnt in anger and jealousy

she is mine how does he touch her let me see
the rains stoped and i looked at her

she looked the same as before

many rains have come ,many rains have gone

and i have grown up to understand
she allowed herself to be touched by another man

to protect me ,it was her love
in which she did all she can

i still love her she is mine

my heart still skips a beat when she is unfurled everytime
i still wouldn't let anyone touch her

i still hide her in my closet beneath my sweather

down came the rains pouring again

i ventured into the rains
not alone this time
with girl underneath her for the first time
she looked at me and smiled

rains have come rains have gone
girls have come girls have gone
but the umbrella is still there in my closet
underneath my sweather
and my life goes on

-the firebird

The hole…contd

No more pain yup yippee
But the hole that was still left in me

I spend many days with disgrace
Until I met my friend again, starring at my face

Something hit me faster than light
And gave me a slap really tight

I got up from my dream
But this time there was no scream

Inside the dark hole
Now stood my new goal

I now know I was right
And now have energy for the flight

The flame in me had weathered the storm
Now shone the sun of a new dawn

I feel the awakening of the Vulcan
C’mon stop me if you can

The ambrosia of happiness filled my veins
Ha ha hee hee where is the poison of pain

Hey the Lord of immortal here I come
Accept me my lord the firebird, your son
-by the one who should not be named

The Mermaid: A dream

In the land of the firebirds, they tell this story
About this beautiful female, even the oceans basked her glory

With the bust of a female and fins of gold
She won the hearts of both young and old

Until a day she saw a man
Her heart went thumping from the ocean into the sand

His home was land
And walking was alien to her clan

She decided to leave her home
Swimming through the water’s all alone

She reached the shore
But land was inhospitable to the core

They say she still tries to walk on land
It’s just like the words written on sand

Mesmerized and lost in the fable
I didn’t realize a guest on my table

Waving his hands in front of my eyes
I saw him; I knew he was my old friend in a new disguise

His smile keeps me awake
To my latest and most foolish mistakes

He flapped his wings
And burned a few things

All he said was “the mermaid is a dream
Dreams that cannot walk on the land of reality
But can swim in our heart’s stream
And you don’t understand it what a pity!

I retorted saying you can achieve anything
Or tell what’s the whole firebird thing

We fly to dispel darkness of the mind
And make that soul one of his kind

His silence was killing more than his smile
I knew I had missed the point by a mile

Not all desires he said meet their reality
But get lost in them till eternity
What differentiates life from dreams is this identity
Remember you don’t get everything in your kitty
_the firebird

My Angel or My Friend:

Was this a dream or a nightmare?
I woke up in this castle haunted and scared.

I was hapless and weak
He was dragging me, I felt really meek

This place was really strange
There were writing in blood all over

One on the floor said

I am the shoulder you rest when you tired
It’s my smile that gets you up and fired

He continued to drag me along
Where I read the other part of the song

My shirt still has marks of your tears
My heart holds your secrets and your fears

I gathered some guts and asked
Who are you? You black masked?

He didn’t reply but just dragged me faster
He flung me in a dark room of disaster

In this blanket of darkness I closed my eyes
I saw the angels flying in the sky

A realization hit me faster than light
That black masked guy was my anger all right.

Who are these angels? I wonder
The sky split with lightning and thunder

Its our blood that stains your shirt red
We forgive you, but we are dead

We are your angels in flight
We give you the hope of light

Just then I heard a thud
I woke up, to realize I was off the bed

This was on my mirror

Anger is no solution
Find a better way to tackle the situation
Turn back and you will see us on the horizon

-the firebird